MIA...

Oops, been MIA for almost a month! Hardly post any pictures. ;p

Been busy with my Cs (as usual) and using my latest gadget. So I've been in FB often as compared to last time. Last time simply lazy to switch on my laptop and had to wait awhile to get connected. Though only a short waiting time, I simply cannot afford to wait. SAHMs should know. Haha...

Anyway, will try my very best to upload the Chuas' blog. After all, this blog is created with my Double Cs in heart in the first place. Must jot down details of their growing phase. ;)

Do you guys miss us? Hee...

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 20

Current Mood : SAD

The saddest part in life is being wrongly accused or judged by your own family, I think. Sigh...

Home alone with Double Cs

Dennis just flew off again. Probably for 1 week. Tonight is my 2nd night home alone with my Double Cs. For the past few nights, Cayden did make some noise due to heavy wet diaper, Cayenne was more funny, she dreamt about her little brother. In her dreams, I think Cayden was "bullying" toy or snatching her toy or pillow, so she shouted out "Didi, you go there!"

As I mentioned the past few nights, I was sleeping with Double Cs on mattresses. Boy, I love to sleep with them! Each @ my side. Feel so contented! Tried not to disturb Dennis's sleep, so if need to, I handle both myself. Hope I can do so everyday and night.

Like just now, prepared milk for Double Cs and slept with them. Cayenne is much easier, she sleeps fast. Cayden probably trying to find his comfort posture or trying to sleep on his own. He was used to carry pat sleep, only lately we let him sleep on his own. Well, I can say that my boy is doing a good job! So far can sleep on his own quite fast. ;) But one thing, he moves ALOT. Turns here and there. And I have to "catch" him before he knocks on the floor. So you can imagine I hardly sleep during the night. But last night, I was too tired I guess. I didn't manage to catch him from knocking onto the floor. So "BANG!" sound was heard. I quickly jumped up and carried him. He cried abit but back to his dreamland again fast. Lucky.

So far I still can't be like other capable Mummies who can wake up early. I wake up around same time with my Double Cs or sometimes half an hour earlier. Will try to wake up early so that can finish some chores and I will have more time to play with/entertain Cayden. This boy doesn't like TV, so I cannot use TV to attract his attention. He will be busy exploring things that he isn't supposed to touch... Just yesterday while I was washing some dishes up, I looked up to the dining area. GUESS WHAT MY BOY WAS DOING... He was standing in his pram!!! I daren't shout across to him, fearing he might get a fright and fell down. So I walked towards him and carried him down and spanked his legs. Hee... This Cayden is always up to some mischief when he is quiet. So I always on my guard or lookout when I'm busy with some stuff...

So far, managed to do housework, prepare meals and read to him. Feel quite satisfied... Hope I can continue this way... ;)

I manage to survive...

My 1st Day without Dennis around and of cos without any helper! Dennis is on a 2D1N business trip. Will be back tomorrow evening... & I'm "maidless". Hope I can survive through everyday and night!

My 1st concern is raining when time to send & fetch Cayenne to and from School. From today onwards, I bring Cayden along in his pram. I push the pram while carrying Cayenne in my arms.

2nd concern is fall sick.

3rd concern is sleeping time. But judging these few nights, Cayenne will sleep after finishing her milk. So not much of a concern for me now. Only need to settle Cayden.

So hopefully I can manage...

Back to today. Sent Cayenne to School and went over to my Dad's place for a short while. Went back home around 10plus, hang the clothes, vacuumed and mopped the floors, prepared lunch for Cayden. Wash up the dishes and prepare milk for Cayden before his nap time. Pat him sleep. Finally settle down by 2pm. Quickly took my bath, bring clothes in to fold, clean pram, wash Double Cs' shoes, slippers etc. Prepared dinner early for Double Cs. Had bread for lunch @ 3plus.

Cayden woke up @ 4pm. Quickly changed diaper and fed some bread and water. Went to fetch Cayenne and brought Double Cs to library. Reached home around 6pm, bathed Double Cs TOGETHER. Lately I have been doing this. Save time! Haha... Warmed up their dinner and quickly took a bath. Fed Cayden dinner while Cayenne ate her dinner all by herself. Entertained them with cartoons (only Cayenne is interested, Cayden simply no interest!), read book to him instead. In between of cos got some scoldings. This Cayden likes to "bully" his sister, snatch her pillow, sat on her legs etc. Then got scolding from his Mummy. Always like to go to the kitchen to open the drawers, cabinet doors, touch this and that till I flare up. This boy really "hands itchy"!

By 8pm, changed and refreshed them to get ready for milk and bed. Cayenne slept immediately after milk while Cayden tossed here and there for at least half an hour on the mattress till I GAVE UP. I stood up and patted him sleep. This way FASTER. Haha... So by 9pm he slept. I quickly washed up their clothes, door mats. Did some tidy up before I had my dinner @ 9plus. Wow... Think this way, I sure get fat in no time!

Quickly upload photos in my blog. Been busy and hardly have time to update my blog. Even have time now, I rather watch tv to relax. But of cos, I hope I can maintain the up-to-dates developments in my blog.

Oh, BTW, lately I begin to think about the aunties (be it I know them or strangers). They mentioned before #1 is girl is better when they asked me or saw my #1 is a girl when Cayenne was still a newborn. I always think they said that to make me feel better. BUT now I think I know the reason on the #1 being a girl is better.

Judging my situation now, I'm really grateful and glad my #1 is Cayenne, not Cayden! Cos Cayenne helps me alot when I'm busy or when I need her to take care of Cayden. IF my #1 is Cayden, think I have to take care of BOTH at all times! Haha...

Hope tomorrow is better for me again! ;)

Lazy... Busy...

Who? Who? Me! Hee...

Lately hardly do any grandmother's stories about my Double Cs. Mostly photos... Pictures tell all... ;p

Been lazy & busy. Haha...

I still love to upload all sorts of pictures about my Double Cs, whether nice or not. But lazy to write the details of the events... I'll try to...

As now I'm currently busy about our new home renovation. Yes! Our home! Finally got the keys & going to start the renovation this coming 22nd October 2010, Friday... Am very excited about the whole thing. Hopefully our new home can be done up nicely. *Pray hard*

Busy searching information online regards to renovation, furniture, applicances... So much information to digest & the worst part is the electrical part.Simply "catch no ball" when the forumers' discussion on bulb, lighting! Haha...

Mummy has COLLASPED...

Sigh, being a useless Mummy, I have fell sick on Friday. Merely 1 week since Cayenne admitted and discharged from hospital and Double Cs on nebulizer after that, my body gave way... USELESS!!!

I felt feverish, aching and shivering when came back from hopsital on Friday. I prayed hard not to collaspe, not when my Double Cs need me most at this time... Quickly popped medicine but still felt sick...

Dennis rushed back on Friday night & he has to continue his work trip on Monday. Last night, I had no choice but to ask Dennis if it was possible to delay his work trip in the Monday afternoon. I was still feeling very weak last night. Today I need to clean up Cayden's cot, change bedsheets, sweep/mop floors, prepare porridge before Cayden boy comes home. Lucky Dennis can fetch our son back.

Past few days been terrible... Been running to and back from hospital. Early morning 6am I woke up to do the housework, prepare porridge for Double Cs. When Cayenne woke up, prepared milk, medicine, and do nebulizer, bathed before we rushed to hospital... I even brought the machine to hospital as Cayenne needed to do nebulizer in the afternoon... Evening 7, 8 plus, back home, bathed, milk, medicine, nebulizer, wash clothes, bottles before sleep. Alot of things to do! Oh yes, for the past few days, Cayenne didn't take her nap at all. She was so happy in the hospital... Sigh...

When I reached hospital, I took over from my helper so that she could catch some rest... So in the end, I myself didn't rest well... But how to rest when my Double Cs need me?

Terrible Nights for ...

ME! ;(

Don't know if it is because of the lunar 7th month that Cayenne starts her "nonsense" again OR due to the medicine that she has been taking for the past 1 month... She seems to be uncontrollable, super active & "create troubles" for me... Sigh... I'm getting physically and emotionally drained out especially when I'm still coughing away. *TIRED*

For the past few nights, Cayenne doesn't want me to lie down to sleep with her. Not because she wants to sleep on her own, she wants me to sit down to pat her or sometimes stand up and carry pat her! She will say "Mummy cannot lie down, Mummy sit down/stand up and pat." Sometimes I give in to her requests, but at certain times when I'm really really very tired, I refuse. She will make noise and start to be cranky. Of cos I have my way to handle this little girl of mine.

And if midnight if she wakes up and doesn't see me in the room (Sometimes I'm patting Cayden back to sleep), she will scream for me. Then she will cling onto me lying on my legs with her legs at my stomach area and sleep. I think this way she feels secure that I will not "disappeared". I have to sit up with my back leans against the bedrest and sleep. Can you imagine that? I have been sleeping in this manner for the past few nights!

Cayden has been having blocked nose these 2 nights. He also cannot sleep well, on and off will cry abit. Sometimes needs me to pat him back to sleep. I try not to disturb my helper during the midnight. So I have been doing a few midnight shifts for these few nights. Because of his blocked nose that he cannot sleep well, I have to carry pat or even let him lie on my body at least 2 hours before he can fully deep sleep.

I'm like a production worker, working on shifts. Meaning, after handling either Big or Small C, the other will tend to wake up. So I don't have good night sleep at all. In fact, none since birth of Cayenne. Am a super light sleeper, abit of noise/sound, I will definitely jump up from bed.

Because of the cough, lack of sleep & physically and emotionally tired out, my temper blows. Alittle bit of issue will make me so fed up and easily flare up. I really don't like myself now. How should I control and curb my temper?

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 19

Eversince Dennis started his new career in July 2010, he has been very very very very very very busy... Just this 1 1/2 months in his new company, he has been in the three modes of transports - 海, 陆, 空. At least 5 times? Or maybe more? I must ask him. Haha... For every trip he travels, he will be away from home 1 day, 3 days, 5 days, latest count of days is 10 days for his current trip now.

Weekends start to get burnt and family time together probably will be lesser as well... I'm not complaining here. Just share my inner thoughts. So far I'm lucky that eversince Cayenne is borned, Dennis is always around to help out, spend time with us etc... As compared to some of my friends who husbands are mostly not around to help during weekends due to heavy workload. I should in fact count my blessings. Only because Dennis does a career switch which I fully supported his decision, he gets more busy. I must learn to adapt and adjust to his frequent "not arounds". ;p

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 18

Just browse through my blog. Realise that I haven't been writing about my thoughts for quite long. Too busy? Too tired? Too tied up with my Double Cs? Hmm...

It is ALL - Too busy, too tired & of cos too tied up with my Double Cs. Every week I always try to upload Double Cs' pictures and development & I have to do it during their naps' times. If not, I won't be able to sit down in front of my laptop. So every often, my uploads are always short and sometimes only pictures without words. Unlike the time I was still working, I could always write grandmother's stories. Oops... Sshh... Don't expose me that I "ate snake" during office hours. ;p

Being SAHM, really take up MOST of my time even though I have a helper at home. Once Double Cs are awake, I'm always racing with time to complete chores. I handle my Double Cs most of my time (bathing, feeding, learning etc) & I'm glad that I'm still able to do so till now. Very tired and energy "straining", I must admit. But since I'm not working, I cannot possibly let my helper does everything while I "shake" legs right? I still help out in the housework, some of my friends who have helpers told me that they never need to lift up their hands to do any chores. Good life man! ;p

For me, probably I'm a impatient and want everything to be done up fast. Abit unreasonable here. So at certain times, I do some chores too. Good for me too. Can help to burn some fats off, I hope. Haha...

Been sick on and off for almost 1 month plus! ME! Been coughing and having flu on and off. Suppose to be "coughless" but alas, my Dad cooked yummy chicken for lunch, I couldn't resist eating it so I'm coughing again. Dry cough. Very irritating! Guess what the old folks say are right, NEVER EAT CHICKEN IF COUGH.

In fact, The Chua Family has been sick! Even Jann. Only my Dad is the STRONGEST! Haha... ;p

Virus seems to "stay" in the house, passing to one another. My poor Double Cs have been having cough, flu & alot of phelgms. Seen doctors thrice! I wonder when they can recover fully. Heartpain to see them cough, heartpain to see them take so many medicines! ;( Doctor blames on the weather. What else? Asked me to bring Double Cs out in the sun to "kill" away the virus and germs... Been doing all these while since I stay at home. Always bring them go downstairs. At least twice a day!

I really wish my Double Cs can get well soon!

Remark by Jann makes me ponder....

Can't remember the day when Jann made the remark. So many things in my mind and things to do. Wanted to blog about it, have to wait till today.

Jann commented "Cayenne actually is still so young, only 2 years plus old, BUT we've been treating her like as if she is already very big girl."

Suddenly I was like "Oh". I realize I have been expecting too much from my little girl. I didn't do it purposely but then probably of the arrival of Cayden, Cayenne has to be "automatically" be grown up suddenly. Obedient overnight etc.

It isn't fair to her! Having Cayden around means Cayenne has to share our love, attention. & YET I expect her to be good girl at most times.

I've been keeping Jann's remarks in my heart at all times. I will always recall that my little girl is still a young toddler. I CAN'T expect too much from her.

Sorry, Baby...

3 of us cried...

Cayden was cranky on one of the nights and kept on crying even though he was sleepy. I carried him, immediately he kept silent. Thinking he might want his Mummy to pat. But alas, Cayenne saw me carrying Cayden, she immediately ran to me and said "抱我". I told her nicely that 弟弟 needs Mummy now, let Mummy take care of 弟弟 first and I will come back to you. But this girl refused to co-operate. My helper took over Cayden from me, I was reluctant to pass Cayden to her. Cayden looked at me with his SAD face. Once my helper carried him, he immediately burst into crying! I was so heartpained that I immediately carried him. Crying stopped. But Cayenne cried upon seeing me carrying Cayden. Dennis helped to carry Cayden but Cayden was hugging me so tightly, refused to let go. He cried again when Dennis carried him. I was so upset and I scolded Cayenne that if she refused to let Mummy carried 弟弟, Mummy won't carry her as well!

My poor Darling Cayden! I felt so helpless and useless that my son wanted me yet I can't be there for him! Dennis brought Cayenne to my Dad's room and Cayenne cried when I was outside. I was helpless. Wanted to carry Cayden so much yet I knew my little girl. She would cry non stop, even Dennis couldn't handle her.

So in the end, I went to the room and spoke to Cayenne. Told her nicely about what happened just now and Mummy wished that she could let Mummy take care of 弟弟. She refused. Dennis told me "Let her be" & I walked out from the room, immediately she cried again.

By then, Cayden was sleeping in my helper's arms. Felt heartpain again. Sigh... Went into the room shortly and immediately Cayenne stopped crying. I looked at her, my tears dropped.

I cried because my Double Cs wanted me yet I can't be with them at the same time.

I cried because I felt so helpless and useless when Double Cs wanted me at the same time.

... ... ... ...

I'm back!

Do anyone miss me? Hee... Or rather my Double Cs? ;p

Been missing in action for at least 3 weeks, I think? Been very busy! Not really with my Darlings. More for working. Yes! WORKING! I'm been working at home. Helped out my ex-company to do some projects. Really kept me very busy! Maybe I'm still not used to working "part time" while taking care of my Darlings. Was so stressed out and tired during these 3 weeks! Worried about the projects, cos according to my ex-superior, they were URGENT. But then... How urgent is urgent? I realize nowadays, urgent is such a common and easy to say out word. Felt guilty towards my Darlings as I haven't been able to spend time with them. Though I'm physically there with them, but my head is thinking about the projects. ;p Cos since I have promised to help out in the projects, I must deliver to them. This is my principle.

Well, finally cleared. Hopefully no need to do any further modifications.

For the next few posts, will be the updating on my Double Cs. Hopefully I can still remember the incidents over these few weeks.

SAHM

Almost been 1 month plus SAHM. Words to describe my life now - Super duper busy! Happy! Contented! Satisfied!

Of cos there are times where my Attitude Chua gives me "problems". There are times where I'm tired, body aching & worse got sick and still have to take care of my Darlings. Not that I don't wish to take care of them while I sick, I'm more afraid to spread the germs to them! ANYWAY, I don't have the time to rest, even to take medicine sometimes! Big C will stick to me as usual (Nothing new), only at certain times, she let my helper play with her.

The weather has been so warm! I on the air con almost 3/4 of the day! Electricity bill will go up for sure! Big C's appetite got worse in this kind of weather. She hardly ate nor drank milk on Sunday! Guess no appetite in such a warm weather. Brewed alot of barley water, cooling teas for the family.

BACK to my feelings now.

Busy cos once my Double Cs woke up, I'm literally working non stop till they nap. But I do enjoy this working cos it's playing and spending time with my Darlings!

Happy, Contented & Satisfied cos I get to see my Darlings most of the time! Hee... & especially when Double Cs laugh together. Tell you! My heart will melt!!! All those anger, tiredness, aches... What are they man! Haha... All those efforts that I put in so far (some people who know that I resigned for the sake of my Darlings find it a pity that I resign) are definitely worth! My Double Cs' laughters, smiles make up for the monetary loss!

I have survived!

Through Monday till Thursday without helper! Haha...

Double Cs kept me super duper busy! Constantly "working" non stop from 7am till about 2plus (Double Cs knocked out by then.) Even they were napping, I wasn't resting. I couldn't rest! Need to do some washing, folding clothes, packing stuff etc.

Of cos, Dennis was on leave on Wednesday. So my workload was lessened abit. ;p

Actually, I think I should be able to survive without a helper, given I more or less know and have established a routine for my Double Cs. & lucky, my Cayenne hasn't given me any attitude a.k.a. problems. Haha... She has been such a darling! As for my Cayden, he is always a darling since born! ;)

But then, if without a helper, I can't squeeze out the time to teach (play) with my Double Cs. ;p

Plus now it is CNY period, so busy at home and have to do visiting (which I hate most) ;p

So we went to pick up our new helper on Thursday evening. So far my load did lessen abit. Haha...

It's ... .... MY Birthday! 31st January 2010, Sunday Evening

Let the pictures do all the talking. ;)

My Darling Cayden

Jann was saying that I was laughing very happily. Hee...

My Dad

Cayenne's Fried Chicken, Steamed Corns & Star Potatos

My Dad & I. Do we look alike? ;p

Cayenne feeding her GrandFather. ;)

Waiting... For the ice cream of cos!

Complimentary ice cream from Swensen.

Earthquake

"Self Controlled" Mummy

Met up with my girlfriend for lunch @ Centrepoint. Was early so I popped over to Orchard OG's Kids department. Where else can I go right? Wanted to see if there's any nice white shoes for my Cayenne. Don't have... Disappointed. Hey but wait! I saw something more interesting (IMO)! ;p

That's ... ... ... Barney pyjamas! Haha... Cos my Cayenne is "crazy" over Barney. Ok, ok, not really that "crazy". Thought of getting the pyjamas for her but I CONTROLLED. I was already holding the pyjamas but think think, Cayenne still has 3 new sets which she hasn't wear yet. So I put it back to the shelf! Very unlikely of me!!!

There was one incident where I went shopping with Jann. Wanted to buy a pair of high heels but also controlled myself. Jann directly hinted to me, or rather told me straight into my face that I'm going to be a SAHM, why I need such high heels?! Haha... I jokingly told her, I can wear it to market. ;p

In my heart, am thinking. No chance for me to wear such high heels as I do not wish to risk my Darlings while carrying them. Hee... So in the end, the heels (I still like it very much) is back on the shelf. Haha...

Unofficial SAHM over the weekend...

Hee... Because Jann, Dennis were around to help me. ;p

But Daddy Chua seems to let go most tasks. & things got worse when I hurt my back during Saturday early morning. Was sleeping sideway on the edge of my bed cos my Darling Cayenne was squeezing and sleeping besides me. And I don't wish to disturb her sleep. So poor Mummy got to sleep in a straight line, some more sideway. & on the edge! Super dangerous. Actually, I had slept in this manner a few times. Nothing happened.

But Saturday morning, Cayden was crying. & I got panicked. Normally I would hear their movements but probably I was dead tired that Friday so I SLEPT soundly. I fell from my bed as I turned to attend to Cayden, forgetting that I was on the edge. Directly sat on the floor. From there onwards, my back ached again. I was telling Jann that I haven't even started my SAHM life yet & here comes my backache. Ha... I wonder how to survive through out. ;p

My back seems to get worse as Cayenne insists I carry her whenever she wants. & I slowly wanted to take over from my helper to handle Cayden's milk feeds & sleeping. But this Cayenne always come and disturb. So in the end, my Darling Cayden gotta to be the "passing baton" from my arms to either to Daddy's or to the helper's.

Sorry, Darling Cayden.

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 17

十二月十一日... ... ...

A day which I cannot forget. A day filled with tears, crying, hugging, 佛歌, relatives, friends, neighbours, colleagues etc... ;(

Till now, every time I think of my Mother. My tears will flow. Memories of past will flash out page by page...

Felt like screaming.

Yesterday after 2 years, I stepped into 光眀山 temple to pray my Mother. Brought her granddaughter whom she had no chance to see, carry, hug, to visit her. Initially only let Cayenne pray her GrandMother outside, as Cayenne is very "pantang". Scare later she gets into her fussy, cranky moods. So I went inside to visit my Mother with my brother and Sister-in-law. Tears simply flowed out while I was walking down the stairs... My heart really cannot take it. Kept telling myself. Don't cry. Don't cry. But I'm an useless person. My tears simply flowed out. Got worse when I saw my Mother's picture. Argh!

Dennis brought Cayenne inside. He told me Cayenne wanted to follow and come in. So he let her in. I think since Cayenne wanted to come in, I carried her and showed her her GrandMother. Cayenne is very good girl, asked her to pray, she immediately put her two hands together and pray.

This fateful day which i wished that it had never happened, but impossible. According to buddhism, I should be happy that my Mother was freed of suffering. Free of the human desires, unhappiness & sadness. I still cannot do it. Am trying but every time feel very 心痛.

Our lives have moved on of cos, but life is never the same anymore.

22nd January 2010, Friday

This day marked a special moment in my life. It's the closing chapter of my career (Err... Do I have a career? ;p) & a NEW beginning of my SAHM life. ;)

On Friday, I was very happy & looking so forward to 6pm. FYI, I was on the way to work when I had this feeling. Haha... Couldn't wait to get out of the working life & "sink" myself into the SAHM club. Hope I have the capability and patience to be a SAHM.

Goodbye, dear Liying & dear Helen, my colleagues. Goodbye, International Plaza. Most importantly, Goodbye, WORK. Keke... ;p

Not to say I don't have to work anymore. My new jobscope is taking care of my Double Cs. ;)

This job is an endless commitment & responsibility that I have to shoulder towards my Double Cs.

Hope I can be a good patient Mummy for my Double Cs.

Supposed to some "ME" time on 09th January 10, Saturday

Supposed to have some "ME" time. Had made arrangement to meet up with my usual gang of friends for a yummy steamboat session. But Dennis had a last minute appointment on Saturday. So I had to ask my friends if they mind my Little Miss around anot. Lucky they are understanding to have her around, even helped me to entertain her. Thanks, dearies! ;)

Went to MS to shop awhile

Generally I would say my Darling Cayenne behaved quite well through out the lunch. & she's such a Darling cos she greeted my friends & even let Aunt Agnes carried her & held Aunt Alyson's hands while walking! ;)