My Little Prince

被释放的小鸟

I feel the same too! I was like 被释放的小鸟 too. Feel so trapped in the house. So now got the chance to go out, I will! That's why Jann was surprised that I wanted to meet her @ Orchard on Saturday evening cos by the time we reached there, it was already 7plus.

I told her, I needed to come out even though I had to bring Cayenne along. I mean we have nothing to do @ home anyway. It is either me accompanying Cayenne watching her Barney or me SCREAMING away @ her. IMO, neither is healthy right. So I rather bring Cayenne out if possible to MINIMIZE me screaming @ her.

Remember my earlier earlier post that I mentioned I needed a break from EVERYONE & EVERYTHING?

I was having a bad day, angry with myself for screaming @ Cayenne, screaming @ her in front of Cayden. Angry with myself for losing my patience with her. Felt so trapped & felt like a time bomb going to go off any time. Cayenne wants so much from me BUT I could only give so little. I wish I could give her more but it is very taxing for me.

So finally yesterday, for the 1st time, I "dumped" her @ home, crying. I needed a break! I closed the main door & gate despite her cries. I went downstairs, walking. I walked towards the mosque, went to shop&save & walk back slowly. Trying to calm myself down, trying to figure out "WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"

As I walked along our corridor, I could see a tiny foot outside the gate, it was my Darling's! She was waiting for me. I felt so heartpained & guilty that I just dumped her @ home. She's just a toddler who still hasn't figure out why Mummy was angry, why Mummy was sad, guilty etc.

In the evening, I hugged her tightly, crying softly. Cayenne of cos still laughing away & still a cheerful girl. She's still so young. This moment I scold her, the next moment she will be laughing away.

Everyday, every minute, I try to remind myself not to vent my anger @ her, keep reminding myself to have patience!

Shopping again on 26th September 09, Saturday Evening

Brought Cayenne to meet Jann @ Centrepoint, Orchard on last Saturday, 26th September 09. It was quite late (IMO) as the time was already 6plus when we left home. Missed the bus and thought we were going to be late (an excuse. Cos Mummy was feeling hot. ;p) so we took a cab. Boy! The cab fare was super expensive! $17.80!!!

Cayenne started to get look for something once we were inside the cab. I thought she wanted drink. No. Oh then must be her "chou chou". No. Oh gosh, I knew what she wanted instead. Her personal box of biscuits which I always bring whenever we go out. But this time I totally forgotten. Cos I hid the biscuits where she couldn't find. She has been munching alot on biscuits which I don't like. So I restrict her from biscuits.

Had to pacify her again in the cab, fearing that she might cause a nuisance. Made me prepare a milk feed & in the end didn't want to drink. Was quite fed up with this girl. Always made me prepared milk to be thrown away. She thought her parents are rich. But too bad, she isn't borned into a rich family! Ha...

Started to get cranky & I tried to distract her by asking her where were the trees, birds, bus, car, taxi etc. She replied me but still feeling cranky. Even told her that we were going to her favourite place - McDonalds! That pacified her ABIT. The last resort I used is kept singing the "I Love You" song from Barney DVDs. She immediately quietened down. Seemed like recalling the scenes from the DVDs. Haha... Well, I didn't mind to sing non stop as long as she could stop making a scene in public!

Finally reached Centrepoint. Quickly went to McDonalds & let her feast on her favourite fries! Fed her some fillet-0-fish burger too. I even let her tried on the garlic chilli sauce. She found it abit spicy I think cos Jann & I saw her tongue sticking out abit after trying. But she is a daring girl, kept dipping her fries into the chilli sauce and tasted it. So in the end, I went to take some ketchup. She tried abit, didn't like it. She preferred the garlic chilli sauce!

Dipping fries into the garlic chilli sauce

After that, we accompanied Aunt Jann to buy long john. Cayenne was so helpful to help Aunt Jann to take. & busy running around, laughing away. Some robinson staff even stopped to talk to her and some also smiled when they saw Cayenne laughing away so happily.

& what did I do? I had to kept going after her, scared that she might knocked over some sharp edges or got lost. & I was basically like an auntie "screaming" away. "Cayenne ah, dun run so fast." "Cayenne ah, wait." "Cayenne ah, stop." Well, those were my sentences during our short shopping trip!

Aunt Jann commented that Cayenne was like 被释放的小鸟! Mummy thought so too!!! Cayenne kept running around & giggling non stop!

We shopped till around 9pm, decided to go home as Mummy missed her boy. Felt so guilty for not able to bring Cayden out. Though I was out with Cayenne, my heart kept missing my little boy.