Mummy's Thoughts - Part 12

家家有本难念的经.

相见好,同住难.

Cayden's 1st Evening Stroll on 28th September 09, Monday

Brought Cayden downstairs in the evening.

My Little Prince

被释放的小鸟

I feel the same too! I was like 被释放的小鸟 too. Feel so trapped in the house. So now got the chance to go out, I will! That's why Jann was surprised that I wanted to meet her @ Orchard on Saturday evening cos by the time we reached there, it was already 7plus.

I told her, I needed to come out even though I had to bring Cayenne along. I mean we have nothing to do @ home anyway. It is either me accompanying Cayenne watching her Barney or me SCREAMING away @ her. IMO, neither is healthy right. So I rather bring Cayenne out if possible to MINIMIZE me screaming @ her.

Remember my earlier earlier post that I mentioned I needed a break from EVERYONE & EVERYTHING?

I was having a bad day, angry with myself for screaming @ Cayenne, screaming @ her in front of Cayden. Angry with myself for losing my patience with her. Felt so trapped & felt like a time bomb going to go off any time. Cayenne wants so much from me BUT I could only give so little. I wish I could give her more but it is very taxing for me.

So finally yesterday, for the 1st time, I "dumped" her @ home, crying. I needed a break! I closed the main door & gate despite her cries. I went downstairs, walking. I walked towards the mosque, went to shop&save & walk back slowly. Trying to calm myself down, trying to figure out "WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?"

As I walked along our corridor, I could see a tiny foot outside the gate, it was my Darling's! She was waiting for me. I felt so heartpained & guilty that I just dumped her @ home. She's just a toddler who still hasn't figure out why Mummy was angry, why Mummy was sad, guilty etc.

In the evening, I hugged her tightly, crying softly. Cayenne of cos still laughing away & still a cheerful girl. She's still so young. This moment I scold her, the next moment she will be laughing away.

Everyday, every minute, I try to remind myself not to vent my anger @ her, keep reminding myself to have patience!

Shopping again on 26th September 09, Saturday Evening

Brought Cayenne to meet Jann @ Centrepoint, Orchard on last Saturday, 26th September 09. It was quite late (IMO) as the time was already 6plus when we left home. Missed the bus and thought we were going to be late (an excuse. Cos Mummy was feeling hot. ;p) so we took a cab. Boy! The cab fare was super expensive! $17.80!!!

Cayenne started to get look for something once we were inside the cab. I thought she wanted drink. No. Oh then must be her "chou chou". No. Oh gosh, I knew what she wanted instead. Her personal box of biscuits which I always bring whenever we go out. But this time I totally forgotten. Cos I hid the biscuits where she couldn't find. She has been munching alot on biscuits which I don't like. So I restrict her from biscuits.

Had to pacify her again in the cab, fearing that she might cause a nuisance. Made me prepare a milk feed & in the end didn't want to drink. Was quite fed up with this girl. Always made me prepared milk to be thrown away. She thought her parents are rich. But too bad, she isn't borned into a rich family! Ha...

Started to get cranky & I tried to distract her by asking her where were the trees, birds, bus, car, taxi etc. She replied me but still feeling cranky. Even told her that we were going to her favourite place - McDonalds! That pacified her ABIT. The last resort I used is kept singing the "I Love You" song from Barney DVDs. She immediately quietened down. Seemed like recalling the scenes from the DVDs. Haha... Well, I didn't mind to sing non stop as long as she could stop making a scene in public!

Finally reached Centrepoint. Quickly went to McDonalds & let her feast on her favourite fries! Fed her some fillet-0-fish burger too. I even let her tried on the garlic chilli sauce. She found it abit spicy I think cos Jann & I saw her tongue sticking out abit after trying. But she is a daring girl, kept dipping her fries into the chilli sauce and tasted it. So in the end, I went to take some ketchup. She tried abit, didn't like it. She preferred the garlic chilli sauce!

Dipping fries into the garlic chilli sauce

After that, we accompanied Aunt Jann to buy long john. Cayenne was so helpful to help Aunt Jann to take. & busy running around, laughing away. Some robinson staff even stopped to talk to her and some also smiled when they saw Cayenne laughing away so happily.

& what did I do? I had to kept going after her, scared that she might knocked over some sharp edges or got lost. & I was basically like an auntie "screaming" away. "Cayenne ah, dun run so fast." "Cayenne ah, wait." "Cayenne ah, stop." Well, those were my sentences during our short shopping trip!

Aunt Jann commented that Cayenne was like 被释放的小鸟! Mummy thought so too!!! Cayenne kept running around & giggling non stop!

We shopped till around 9pm, decided to go home as Mummy missed her boy. Felt so guilty for not able to bring Cayden out. Though I was out with Cayenne, my heart kept missing my little boy.

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 11

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of most things that are happening in my life now.

I need a break! I need a break from everyone, everything! Damn it! ;(

Surprise!

Surprise! Dennis got a surprise for me! That was at least 2 weeks ago matter. I still remember very clearly that it was a Saturday. I was having a very bad day with Cayenne plus I was sick & physically tired. Was going to "flare up" @ Dennis via MSN on Sunday wee hours.

Yes, Dennis and I chat via MSN video call usually in SG time, midnight as the time difference between SG and Sweden is 6 hours. So I was always up around 2plus, 3 to chat with him.

But as I was sick on tat Saturday, & I still gotta woke up to feed Cayden, after feeding, I really no mood and energy to go online. So decided to "flare up" @ Dennis on Sunday mid morning instead. Keke...

Well, once I on my MSN, Dennis dropped me a message during midnight. That immediately put a smile and after that a giggle from me. ;p He got a surprise for me! I immediately showed the message to Jann and Jann jokingly told me "Well, that should stop you from flaring up @ Dennis right?" "Hmm, ok. Since he got me a SURPRISE, I pai say to flare up @ him." That was my reply! Oops, do I "worded" myself like a materialistic, 现实 wife? Hee...

Ok, so what is the surprise? Hmm... Not going to tell now. Will tell when Dennis is back! So far I think I only let a few know. So dearies, please help to keep a secret ya! Haha...

Short Lived Breastfeeding Job

I have offically stopped pumping milk after Cayden turned 2 months old. Felt sad & guilty when I kept away my pump. It had to be stored for good. Cos I'm not going for a 3rd baby! Keke... ;p

This time round, I didn't insist to continue breastfeeding as compared to Cayenne's time cos I know very well, it is going to be a hard & difficult job. Cayenne is glue-ing me 24 hours a day (Oh pardon me, I've been repeating this. ;p) So I already decided not to stress myself out over breastfeeding, like not able to breastfeed Cayden for at least 6 months, not enough milk etc. I'm totally relaxed & in fact I enjoyed alot this time during my short lived breastfeeding job. Cayden latches on very well & my milk supply is good! Too bad I got to stop but then it is ok! My temper is better as I'm not stressed over it. If not, hmm... Dennis will get it from me! I will DEFINITELY vent my anger on him and what else! ;p

SO, there goes my pumping job but I still latches Cayden once or twice a day. Of cos supply drops alot, probably my boobs can only act as a soothing pacifier for him! Haha... ;p

Cayden's 1st morning stroll

Today brought Cayden downstairs for a short morning stroll. Been wanting to do so few days ago but the timing wasn't right. It was either raining or Cayden's napping time. So far I didn't bring him down for evening walk. Most of the time will clash with his feeding time. I do not wish to bring him downstairs too late in the evening as he is still young.

So after bathing my Double Cs, milk for both, off we went to downstairs to find 阿公.

Suddenly Cayden became the "STAR" of the neighbourhood. 阿公 got a lot of friends downstairs. So most of them crowded around Cayden. Am sure 阿公 is very proud! Haha...

Recent Picture of my Double Cs

Well, seems like always the same right, with Cayden on his bouncer and Cayenne sitting beside him.

Cayenne loves to sit beside Cayden and "sayang" him. Oh forget to mention that my little Cayenne can be a very good 管家婆! Haha... Cayden lately tends to put his fists in his mouth & I've been telling him not to. I told my helper not to let Cayden suck his fist. Must stop him whenever possible. So my Cayenne upon hearing, bear my words in her head and heart. She will stop Cayden when she sees him "feasting" on his fists! Somemore will "scold" him! Haha... Very funny scene. I've yet to catch the scene in video!

Cayenne though dotes on her little brother alot, she does shows jealousy. Afterall, she is still a young toddler. When she sees Cayden cries and she knows that I have the intention of carrying or latching Cayden, she will stop me immediately. I haven't even tell her that I want to carry Cayden. So how? She will insist I carry her or put Cayden in the bouncer.

Cayenne has become very sticky to me, basically "GLUED" to me! Sometimes I can't even go bath or toilet! Even in the kitchen preparing her meals or milk, she wants me to carry. Ask my helper to prepare the milk, Cayenne will make noise. She wanted me to prepare BUT how to when I am carrying her! Well, I can in fact! I think as time passes, I can do alot of things with one hand and the other hand carrying her!

As for her sleeping times, I've to be around too. If not, she won't sleep even though she is very tired.

She can simply sleep beside my chair while I'm online!

Updates on both my Double Cs

Haven't been blogging on the developments on my Double Cs. Well, life is still the same. BORING. Haha...

Updates of my Double Cs :

Had decided to send Cayenne to CC. Been struggling to make a decision. Finally decided to though very much unwillingly to. But after taking care of her for coming 1 month, I fear I didn't do a job in teaching her at all. Most of the time, she is watching her favourite Barney DVDs. Though Barney DVDs quite educating, she learnt some words, actions, I still feel not as good as interacting with other kids of her age. If she got the chance to mingle around, I'm sure she will be more sociable & active! (Cayenne has been a very active girl anyway, probably by going to CC, will make her even more!)

Other than DVDs, playing "masak" and "catching" game with her are our daily routine. Does she learn from there? I do hope so. Everyday tries flashing cards to her, she will snatch from me.

As I've started to flash cards to Cayden 2 weeks ago, I thought it might jolly well be a good chance to let Cayenne learn as well. Thought she might interested. But who knows, she will take whatever flash cards I have on hand. This naughty girl. ;p

Today I teach her colours. Surprisingly, she can say out the words "red", "purple", "orange". She can say "Butterfly" and "Bananas" too BUT then you must listen very carefully with your ears open big. Haha...

As for Cayden, he has been a very good boy, I would say. Hope he can maintain this way or even better! And he is really growing fast and horizontally! Haha... His elephant thighs are showing! I never got the chance to see them in Cayenne! So now my wish came true! I always love chubby babies! I jokingly told Dennis that our son now is Cayden a.k.a. michelin! ;p

Oh, I almost forget to mention it is back! Cayenne's appetite is back!!! Am so happy that she can finish most of her meals now! Though the portion is not as much as last time, I'm already very happy and will definitely hope that she can eat more! ;)

Cayden turned 2 months old yesterday!

So fast. Cayden turned 2 months old. ;) Am currently enjoying my "fruits" though sometimes Cayenne does drive me crazy. ;p

Oh, My little Cayden

Been feeling guilty towards Cayden as I haven't been spending much time with him. My helper is the one who spends most of the time with him while I handles Cayenne. I only bath Cayden in the morning, wipe clean him in the evening, occasionally latch him. So poor Darling Cayden.

But then, Cayden seems to know who is the Mummy here. Of cos! Been hearing my voice since he was inside me. Hee... ;p

Cayden is approaching his two months soon. As he grows each day, he's getting more fun. Same as Cayenne, he is a smiling baby too! ;)

Sometimes when he got kinda of cranky, even my helper carries him also no use. I take over, immediately he will smile and make sounds. ;)

Mummy's Thoughts - Part 10

A minor matter can simply trigger my emotions sometimes. At times, I can't stand my own emotions. ;p

Well, what is it this time, Mummy Esther?

Lily was so nice to come over to visit us in the mid morning. She carried Cayenne and fed her some bread. But this time I observed Cayenne seemed to be alittle reserved in front of Lily. We sat down to chat & Cayenne kinda of struggled to get down and sat on my laps instead. I felt abit "pai say" cos Cayenne used to be so so close to Lily, to the extent that Cayenne called her "Mama" & didn't want to follow us back home when we went to pick her in the evening.

Anyway, Lily & I continued our chat, updating each other on our lives, especially little Cayenne's one.

Lily carried Cayenne again & told her "Come, Auntie bring you to Auntie's house." Hmm... This time round, Cayenne rejected and struggled to get free from Lily, crying. In the end, back to my arms again. I kept telling Cayenne that she cannot like that, Auntie Lily has been taking care of her since young etc. But Cayenne simply ignore my words, just kept crying. Lily, I suppose she expected this outcome, assured me that it was like that one, cos almost 2 weeks she didn't see Cayenne, so Cayenne kinda of "forgotten" her. Lily kept saying it was alright.

Upon hearing these, emotions flow within me. I felt sad, "pai say"... Am thinking if I am Lily, for sure I'll be heartbroken. But then again, guess Lily is used to this hard reality. She has been taking care of so many babies. Come & go, that is so common. Hmm... ... ...

Relaxing... Sleeping... OR ... ...

Know what my little Cayenne was doing...
Relaxing?

Sleeping?

Argh!!! Nope!

Enjoying her thumb while watching her favourite "must watch everyday" Barney DVD!

Any way to wean her off from her THUMB?!

Double Cs' recent pictures @ home

Cayenne loves to entertain her 弟弟

Active little toddler!

Cayenne has been a very active girl since young, her character, temper all showed out quite clearly before she turned ONE. & as she grows each day, she's getting more and more active!

She loves to run around instead of walking properly, loves to do things against her Mummy's wishes! Arghh...

Got a few falls within 2 days! Twice from my bed, once in the living hall! My girlfriend who is also a mummy, ever told me "Don't worry, the kids are hard creatures, a few falls won't die one" Haha... What a way to describe the kids!

咬哪哩?

This is a game which my Dad loves to play with kids. My Dad likes to ask the kids "咬哪哩, 比较有肉?" Direct translation "Which area got more flesh to bite?"

So the kids will 乖乖 let my Dad "bite" their arms or feet. & after that, my Dad will ask them "说什么?" My Dad will teach them to say... ... "谢谢"!!! Haha...

So my Dad has been playing this game with Cayenne. Being a stubborn girl, I'm kinda of surprised that she obediently let my Dad "bite" her arms and feet. & more surprisingly she will answer my Dad when my Dad asks her "说什么?"!!! Of cos she still can't pronounce "谢谢". So guess how does my Cayenne says... ...

"嘿嘿嘿" is Cayenne's reply! Sounded like laughing. Very funny!

Takashimaya Shopping Trip on 07th September 09, Monday

Had my very 1st bus trip with Cayenne. & Lucky we survived the trip! Haha... This Cayenne once we aboard the bus, got a seat, sat for less than 1 minute, she wanted to alight the bus! Me got panicked abit. Hee... Kept telling her that we haven't reached our destination yet, kept saying that we were going to reach soon (but in 20 minutes' time, haha). Managed to keep her still for probably only 10 minutes before she protested again. Lucky I brought her biscuits. At last, the biscuits did the job of keeping Cayenne quiet!

Met up with my SIL, Jann & the Double As for lunch. Had quite a fun time together, I would say. Especially the Double Terrors. Who else but Terror Andre & Terror Cayenne! Both of them made us laughed so much!

姜葱鱼片饭

My Dad bought 姜葱鱼片饭 for my dinner last evening. I was thinking to feed Cayenne abit as her dinner & then pumped her with milk.

And guess what. She loved the 姜葱鱼片饭 that she finished up & requested more! *Fainted*

If only she could request more of my cooking, I would be more glad to give her!

Looks like my SIL is correct on Cayenne's meals. Cayenne now seems to have 重口味. Prefers food that is full of seasoning! Oh God!

How to recify this problem? Well, I see it as a problem if not, I won't be so stressed up over her meal times. Cayenne is still so young, coming only to 19 months in 2 days time. I really do not wish to feed her so much of those adult food. Sigh...

Darling Andre & Darling Cayenne

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Mummy! Daddy!

Pictures of Darling Cayenne "rotting" @ home

Heart Melted...

My little Darling sayang me while I was having a very very bad cough last night. Her little gesture surprised me. Felt very contented. ;)